One of the hardest conversations an adult child can have with an aging parent is about their concerns their aging parents’ health, safety and finances. There are many techniques to beginning a conversation with aging parents about their possible need for assistance. First and foremost, be kind and respectful when you discuss your concerns with your parents. If your parents refuse to discuss the topic, terminate the conversation and try another approach later.
Here are five suggestions for ways to approach this difficult conversation:
1. Look for an opportunity that your aging parents create to discuss these issues. Listen to your parents. They may be trying to bring up their need for assistance. This may take the form of what appear to be offhanded comments or questions. While they are talking, be sure you don’t abruptly end the conversation because you are uncomfortable, too busy or stressed. The conversation will go best if your parents begin it.
2. It may help to start the conversation at a holiday gathering. Having a nice meal and a friendly atmosphere with your other siblings and loved ones present, may make it easier to discuss your concerns and easier for your parents to hear. You may also find that other family members have concerns and have been afraid to talk about it, as well.
3. Approach your parents with your concerns as a helper to your parents, not as criticism. This can be done by breaking the ice citing a recent news article discussing the topic of your concerns. Ask if they would like to hear some of the suggestions or advice in the article. Then, you can ask questions about your parents’ circumstances and offer your assistance in areas where it is needed.
4. You can also use your own planning to open the door to the discussion. Ask your parents to talk to you about your plan, which should include an approach to the thing with which you believe your parents need help. You can tell them you want to be sure they know what you have planned to address your aging and retirement. During the conversation, ask them what they think and if they have other suggestions. By engaging them in your planning, you show respect for their position as your parents and can help them see a need to complete their planning, if they have not already done so.
5. Be direct with your parents about the issues you observe. If you have specific concerns about their finances or health and safety, be direct about it. You can be direct yet respectful. For example, if you are concerned that your parents are falling for a financial scam, do some research and then approach your parents with your concerns and facts. They may be acting without full knowledge or complete information.
Because of the difficulty of this conversation, many families never have it until it is too late. Have this conversation now. If you have had this conversation and found better ways to begin this conversation with your parents, feel free to offer suggestions in the comments below.
